There’s only two types of people on Halloween. Those who have spent months (and plenty of money) preparing their costumes ahead of time, carefully scouring local vintage shops and eBay for the perfect pieces. Then there are the people who wait until the last minute to spend $50 on some dinky bad version of whatever at their local Party Works. But it doesn’t have to be either way. You need neither an expensive extravagant costume, nor a cheap dinky version for $50. What you really need to do at this point is throw in the towel, and opt for a costume that is so terribly thought-out and awful, it’s good. I mean, if you’re going to procrastinate, you might as well go all the way, right? We say ride this one out like a rogue jockey who’s in last place at the Kentucky Derby. We promise, you’ll barely have to leave your bathroom.
Ghost
This is a terribly good costume.
Get a white bed sheet and cut two holes in it. Actually, better yet, get any color bed sheet, preferably something floral or patterned and cut two holes in it. (Extra points if it’s a fitted sheet with the elastic outer edges.) You’ll also have something to cover yourself in later, when you curl up in the fetal position and cry yourself to sleep over how bad your costume was. This is possibly the worst, laziest costume ever. Awesome.
Bloody Person a.k.a “Zombie”
I probably despise these people the most on Halloween. They smear some fake blood on their face and clothes then call themselves “zombies.” You too, can be this annoying, but we suggest you take it a step further and use ketchup —because that’s three times as lazy and it will probably reek by the end of the night. Which is a bonus and more realistic than those other “zombies” with their odor-free fake blood.
Mummy
You literally won’t need to leave your bathroom for this one. You just need a couple rolls of toilet paper. Heads up to the super lazy people, this one does require some effort to wrap your body. There are also some serious benefits to this costume. Should you find yourself in a T.P-less bathroom, you’re covered. You’ll also be completely unrecognizable —a great way to hide the shame of having the worst costume at the party.
Occupy Wall Street Protester
All you’ll need is whatever you’re currently wearing, a piece of cardboard that says, “I am the 99%” and an onion. You may be the 99% but we can promise you, your costume will be 100% terrible.
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